Monday, January 13, 2014

Adoption Update: Following His "High Ways." - 1.13.2014

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)

This “Adoption Journey” has been full of surprises –we know you know that as well as we do, since  we’ve taken you along for the ride.  There is so much we have learned about ourselves, the foster process, and the Lord’s faithfulness in the last two years…especially recently.  We have seen that our God is so much bigger than circumstances.  He is bigger than our plans and our timeline.  We are so grateful for His omniscience.  When we get lost in the process, when we are holding on tight to a runaway train, when we can’t see the forest for the trees…He is above it all.  He works around our pride, our fears, and our faithlessness so that all things will work together for good and for His glory.

We hoped in a purpose for the lessons learned, and the struggles overcome but were never prepared for the surprises we faced.  And we never expected to arrive here:

Eight weeks ago God sent us two little girls.  We are just now gathering our thoughts to share our experience.   It was a blessing, it was mayhem, it was the foster placement we had been waiting so long for…and it was the reality check the Lord knew we needed.  The girls were with us for 28 hours.  It was a beautiful whirlwind… and then they were gone.  

We took two weeks off to put our home back together in preparation for the next placement call.  The phone never rang, but the call was clear. Our hearts had been turned to the Lord in faith, and we saw our life through fresh eyes.  Things had changed in our life that we hadn’t slowed down to consider. We knew we needed to re-evaluate our priorities, to acknowledge our limitations, and seek a clearer understanding of God’s will.  When we finally stopped to honestly examine our hearts, the Lord gave clarity.   Despite my prideful eagerness to do more, be more, and give more to the next placement…We were both sure God was telling us to “Step away”.   Despite our hopes to follow through in this great work…We were sure He was asking us to let go of everything invested…all the preparation, all the support, all the expectations, all the training, all the momentum, all the adrenaline….and step away.   

Charlie and I are still very passionate about adoption and want desperately to contribute in a positive way, but it is clear that now is not the right time for our family, so we’re putting it on hold.  The tiny faith it took for us to step in to the adoption process has been tested and tried. Please understand how important you were through those trials.  We know it takes a much greater faith to jump the track after two years with nothing gained except maturity and experience than it did to cautiously climb aboard. So, we’re asking for God’s grace as we continue in obedience, and step out in faith.  We ask for your prayers for our family as we follow His lead…wherever we are headed now.

 Which brings me to the next surprise we never really saw coming:

Tessie was born to two unsaved parents. At the time we knew nothing more than our own selfish will.  Concerned about hereditary birth defects during my pregnancy, we held our breath.  Nine months later we declared Tessie’s perfect health “a dodged bullet” and determined not to “press our luck” with any successive births - allowing that fear to govern our willingness to receive the Lord’s blessings for the next four years.  It was only as God took us by the hand and walked us through the foster process, that we came to realize how sinful that fear was.  Little by little He turned our hearts, little by little He grew our faith, and little by little He opened our eyes…until we had no choice but to face our own cowardice. The hypocrisy in committing to love and care for the unknown needs of foster children while our hearts were closed to receiving  a blessing –knit together in my own womb by a sovereign Lord - because he/she might have cleft palate was shameful.  When those two little girls left our world with the same abruptness in which they arrived, we were left with a harsh truth:  Those are somebody’s babies.  Those are somebody’s blessings…God created those children in His image and gifted them to those parents for stewardship…and they are too selfish to care for them.  Too selfish…just like us.  In that moment of clarity we suddenly knew why God had drawn us through all that chaos.  We realized the ship had not stopped or turned around when He called us to step away…. our Captain just had a higher purpose for that journey than we ever understood.  We thought He had been guiding us toward OUR goal: adoption.  But, all along He had been leading us toward His: Obedience.   And we finally arrived.  We are ready to submit our will, our way, and even our womb.   We are ready to trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not unto our own understanding.

We are so grateful for the miraculous work of the Spirit in our calloused hearts.  Our Father has taken so much precious time to work out our fears and grow our faith.  We know He has made us no promises to restore those years wasted in selfishness, and we expect nothing but forgiveness for our faithlessness.  But, we are hoping and fervently praying for the merciful gift of siblings for Tessie in the coming years as we trust in His sovereignty.  

We love you all and are so glad to share this journey with you as the Lord reveals His miracles.  Please continue to pray for our family as we grow in grace.

UPDATE:  A New Twist in the Road...CLICK HERE!

1 comment:

  1. I enjoy being on the "roller coaster" and getting to hear about what God is doing for and through your family! Keep praying! Were praying for you:) Love you guys! <3 - Ashley Tackett
    "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." Galatians 6:9

    PS. I don't know why your blog chooses to call me "Ashley Time". Kinda weird!