Monday, April 29, 2013

Adoption Update - Dancing in the Rain - 4.28.2013

We got 6 inches of rain in less than 3 hours yesterday.  Our curbs swelled with rushing water,  and the rain continued to pound against the windows.  As I watched the time pass and the lightening flash,  I thought of an encouraging note I received from a woman (much wiser than I) at our church.  The inside of the sweet little handmade card read:  “Life (adoption) is not about waiting for the storm to pass…it is about learning to dance in the rain.”

We have been waiting for a break in my husband’s work schedule for a long time. The long hours were wearing on our family and giving me little confidence in our ability to take on a great transition like adoption without my husband’s calm, reassuring presence to stabilize us all. As the Lord has been teaching me about prayer over the last few weeks, I have been seeking His will in everything and His mercy even more. He had given us grace to "weather the storm" thus far and I was learning to accept His comfort and trust His timing.  But, when our daughter casually said, "I miss Daddy." for the first time on Tuesday morning I was heartbroken. I went to the Lord for mercy, asking for a schedule change, for a break for my weary husband, for our daughter's daddy back.  When I got a suspiciously early phone call that afternoon from my husband announcing he was on his way home, I asked why.   He said he met with his boss that morning and she "randomly" told him to work fewer hours, to leave early for family time, and to take breaks when he can. AMEN.

With that answered prayer in mind, my confidence grew tremendously. I thought, “Maybe we should start looking now.”  After “losing” the last sibling group we decided that my heart can’t take much more of the ups and downs. I’m weak and my heart aches for each profile picture burned in my memory, each rejection, each unknown.  We determined to take a break, to not to be actively involved in the adoption process unless we were contacted.  My husband and I agreed not to pursue anything (a 180 degree turn from the hourly inquiries and daily disappointments) and put it in God's hands and just wait for a phone call from our caseworker. After two weeks of shocking restraint on my part (I know two weeks doesn't seem like a long time, but when you have been living in a house with 4 empty beds for over a year....the days seem a little longer than usual), we still heard nothing and my resolve was starting to waiver. In my weakness (and self-will) I went online to begin the search.  I hesitated and thought I should check my email first for some reason.  And there was the mercy of God… in a perfectly timed email from a recruiter with the program.   I stared at the email, feeling God's hand on my shoulder, and bowing my head in shame.  Why do I think God needs help? Why do I believe I need to be involved at all? This is His plan, His story.  I opened the email and read about a sweet sibling group in Texas looking for an in-state placement.  I read their profiles and saw their picture and thought, “God, why did you show me their picture? These have to be our kids or you wouldn’t have shown me their picture. You know my heart is weak.”  I dropped to my knees in desperate prayer and remained there until my pleas turned to praises.  Two girls and one boy…their needs suited so perfectly to our home, our skills, our hopes.  I inquired in confidence, tucking their picture away in my heart. But, I know this could just be another bend in the road.

 I know our Lord is good when He opens doors and just as good when He closes them.  He has given me a peace (that passeth all understanding) about this possibility.  And really, the more I see the path behind us, the more eager I am to see what is around the next corner.  I am learning  to lean on the mercies of God and invest in the power of prayer.  I really feel strengthened for this next leg of the journey, whether it be finally meeting our new blessings or continuing to wait on God.  The Lord has replaced my anxiety with anticipation and my fear with fascination. Since I know that all things work together for the good of them that love God, to them that are called according to His purpose, I can’t help but wait eagerly for the big reveal.  And although my impatient heart desires to see this storm (waiting) pass, I am ever grateful for the dance lessons we are getting on the way.

May God get all the Glory.


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