During Sunday School we heard a message on Living
Expectantly vs. Living with Expectations. This REALLY hit home for me. Last week I begrudgingly received rebuke
from my sister (who I can always count on for a healthy dose of reality when I
need it). She graciously pointed out that when I was murmuring and impatient, I
was not actually waiting on the Lord. I was waiting for the fulfillment of my
expectations. When those expectations (time
frames, chosen sibling groups) were not fulfilled, I was allowing the spirit of
bitterness to consume me and drain my patience.
She was right. I had entered a dangerous cycle. I wasn’t just waiting with expectancy for
God’s will….I was waiting with expectation for my own. How foolishly we fall in the flesh. I
managed to stay afloat the first year of the process, but after we hit that
mark, my hope waivered and was soon replaced with expectations. Expectations meant making demands.
Expectations meant calling God a liar.
Expectations meant arrogantly assuming we’re ready and wondering why God
wasn’t.
Thinking back, I went through a similar experience when I
was “expecting” our daughter 4 years ago.
At the beginning of the pregnancy I was living expectantly: I was focused on the blessing to come, how I
could prepare for her arrival, and what I needed to change, fix, and improve
before she got here. But, at 40 weeks I began living with expectations: I started imagining the beauty of the birth
experience (very disappointing), what our daughter would look like(very
surprising), and how our life would change when we brought her home(we didn’t
have a clue). It was all a big upset in the
end, rather than a miracle….because of expectations. Apparently, I am a slow learner, because there
I was again last week.
As I reflected on the
mistake I was foolishly repeating, God gave me the strength to turn from it
immediately. Now, I’m sprinting in the
other direction, trying to make up the ground I lost. Is this what Paul meant
when he was talking about “running a race”? Whew!
I had been so unbelieving. So hopeless and discouraged. Only the blood of Christ can cleanse such
sinful self-pity. Only Christ can
restore my soul. He, always my shepherd,
and I, always His lost lamb. With His strength, over
the last few days I shed the expectations that gave place to the devil. I repented
for my partnership with bitterness and unbelief. I was forgiven and encouraged. The Lord restored my resolve, my patience,
and my purpose. But, where was my hope?
We got a phone call from our caseworker today. We’ve been submitted for TWO sibling groups in
our county! Now we are waiting to hear
if we’re being considered for either one or both of them. There it is….there is my hope. Thank you, Lord.
Now, my focus is on living expectantly, with hope in the
Lord’s mighty works.
“The hope of the
righteous [shall be] gladness: but the expectation of the wicked shall perish.”
– Proverbs 10:28
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