A confession: Although I thought I was prepared for that possibility, because of the circumstances (the reason given for not choosing our family) I had a really hard time dealing with the reality. I was so confident that it was the Lord's will that I had broadcast my hope to all who would hear. When it didn't pan out like I had planned, I wondered why the Lord didn't "follow through". I was in a state of defiant hope for about a week, thinking "God could still give those kids to us if He wanted to. He could still get the glory." I knew that wasn't logical. I knew God knew better than me. But, I was deeply discouraged and I didn't know why....
until I sang the 25th Psalm in my Bible Study class.
Unto Thee, O Lord do I lift up my soul
O my God I trust in Thee
Let me not be ashamed
Let not my enemies triumph over me
Yea let none that wait on Thee be ashamed
Yea let none that wait on Thee be ashamed
....I was ashamed. I had limited God's reach to the here and now. I had limited God's power to what I could dream up. I had put my faith in an expectation, a time frame, a hope of a happy ending. And I was ashamed to be back in the position of waiting on God. "Yea, let none that wait on Thee be ashamed." How weak we are. How utterly foolish in our flesh. I had tumbled into bitterness before I could process it all. Another triumph for my enemy. And the devil is no gentlemen, never hesitating to kick us while we're down. So, God found me battered by self-pity and fear when He came to me with Psalm 25. He found me ashamed and lacking a week of rejoicing in my life. He found me to show me His glory is not in fulfilling our expectations, but in restoring our soul. How sweet it is to know we can always come to our Father for restoration, to restore the years lost to locusts...and the weeks lost to spiritual defeat. So, I am up again. I have been strengthened by this fall and I'm back on the fighting side. The glory of God was revealed through humility in my life. And I am restored.... Trusting again. Lifting up my soul. And shamelessly waiting.
"Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me. Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause. Shew me thy ways, O Lord; teach me thy paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day. Remember, O Lord, thy tender mercies and thy lovingkindnesses; for they have been ever of old. Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O Lord. Good and upright is the Lord: therefore will he teach sinners in the way. The meek will he guide in judgment: and the meek will he teach his way. All the paths of the Lord are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies." -Psalm 25: 1-10
No comments:
Post a Comment