We have been waiting for a break in my
husband’s work schedule for a long time. The long hours were wearing on our
family and giving me little confidence in our ability to take on a great
transition like adoption without my husband’s calm, reassuring presence to
stabilize us all. As the Lord has been teaching me about prayer over the last
few weeks, I have been seeking His will in everything and His mercy even more.
He had given us grace to "weather the storm" thus far and I was learning to accept His comfort and trust His timing. But, when our daughter casually said, "I miss Daddy." for the
first time on Tuesday morning I was heartbroken. I went to the Lord for mercy, asking for a schedule change, for a break for my weary husband, for our daughter's daddy back. When I got a suspiciously early phone call that afternoon from my husband announcing he was on his way home, I asked why. He said he met with his boss that morning and she
"randomly" told him to work fewer hours, to leave early for
family time, and to take breaks when he can. AMEN.
With that answered prayer
in mind, my confidence grew tremendously. I thought, “Maybe we should start looking now.” After “losing” the last
sibling group we decided that my heart can’t take much more of the ups and
downs. I’m weak and my heart aches for each profile picture burned in my
memory, each rejection, each unknown. We
determined to take a break, to not to be actively involved in the adoption
process unless we were contacted. My
husband and I agreed not to pursue anything (a 180 degree turn from the hourly
inquiries and daily disappointments) and put it in God's hands and just wait
for a phone call from our caseworker. After two weeks of shocking restraint on
my part (I know two weeks doesn't seem like a long time, but when you have been
living in a house with 4 empty beds for over a year....the days seem a little
longer than usual), we still heard nothing and my resolve was starting to
waiver. In my weakness (and self-will) I went online to begin the search. I hesitated and thought I should check my
email first for some reason. And there
was the mercy of God… in a perfectly timed email from a recruiter with the afamilyforeverychild.org
program. I stared at the email, feeling God's hand on my shoulder, and bowing my head in shame. Why do I think God needs help? Why do I believe I need to be involved at all? This is His plan, His story. I opened the email and read about a sweet sibling
group in Texas looking for an in-state placement. I read their profiles and saw
their picture and thought, “God, why did you show me their picture? These have
to be our kids or you wouldn’t have shown me their picture. You know my heart
is weak.” I dropped to my knees in desperate
prayer and remained there until my pleas turned to praises. Two girls and one boy…their needs suited so
perfectly to our home, our skills, our hopes. I inquired in confidence, tucking their
picture away in my heart. But, I know this could just be another bend in the
road.
I know our Lord is good when He opens doors and
just as good when He closes them. He has
given me a peace (that passeth all understanding) about this possibility. And really, the more I see the path behind us, the more eager I am
to see what is around the next corner. I
am learning to lean on the mercies of
God and invest in the power of prayer. I
really feel strengthened for this next leg of the journey, whether it be
finally meeting our new blessings or continuing to wait on God. The Lord has replaced my anxiety with
anticipation and my fear with fascination. Since I know that all things work
together for the good of them that love God, to them that are called according
to His purpose, I can’t help but wait eagerly for the big reveal. And although my impatient heart desires to
see this storm (waiting) pass, I am ever grateful for the dance lessons we are
getting on the way.
May
God get all the Glory.
