This “Adoption
Journey” has been full of surprises –we know you know that as well as we do,
since we’ve taken you along for the
ride. There is so much we have learned
about ourselves, the foster process, and the Lord’s faithfulness in the last
two years…especially recently. We have seen that our God is so much
bigger than circumstances. He is bigger
than our plans and our timeline. We are
so grateful for His omniscience. When we
get lost in the process, when we are holding on tight to a runaway train, when
we can’t see the forest for the trees…He is above it all. He works around our pride, our fears, and our
faithlessness so that all things will work together for good and for His glory.
We hoped in a purpose
for the lessons learned, and the struggles overcome but were never prepared for
the surprises we faced. And we never
expected to arrive here:
Eight weeks ago God sent us two little girls. We are just now gathering our thoughts to
share our experience. It was a
blessing, it was mayhem, it was the foster placement we had been waiting so
long for…and it was the reality check the Lord knew we needed. The girls were with us for 28 hours. It was a beautiful whirlwind… and then they
were gone.
We took two weeks off
to put our home back together in preparation for the next placement call. The phone never rang, but the call was clear. Our hearts had been turned to the Lord
in faith, and we saw our life through fresh eyes. Things had changed in our life that we
hadn’t slowed down to consider. We knew we needed to re-evaluate our
priorities, to acknowledge our limitations, and seek a clearer understanding of
God’s will. When we finally stopped to honestly examine our
hearts, the Lord gave clarity. Despite
my prideful eagerness to do more, be
more, and give more to the next placement…We were both sure God was telling
us to “Step away”. Despite our hopes to
follow through in this great work…We were sure He was asking us to let go of
everything invested…all the preparation, all the support, all the expectations,
all the training, all the momentum, all the adrenaline….and step away.
Charlie and I are
still very passionate about adoption and want desperately to contribute in a
positive way, but it is clear that now is not the right time for our family, so
we’re putting it on hold. The tiny faith
it took for us to step in to the adoption process has been tested and tried. Please
understand how important you were through those trials. We know it takes a much greater faith to jump
the track after two years with nothing gained except maturity and experience
than it did to cautiously climb aboard. So, we’re asking for God’s grace as we
continue in obedience, and step out in faith. We ask for your prayers for our family as we
follow His lead…wherever we are headed now.
Which brings me to the next surprise we never
really saw coming:
Tessie was born to
two unsaved parents. At the time we knew nothing more than our own selfish
will. Concerned about hereditary birth
defects during my pregnancy, we held our breath. Nine months later we declared Tessie’s
perfect health “a dodged bullet” and determined not to “press our luck” with
any successive births - allowing that fear to govern our willingness to receive
the Lord’s blessings for the next four years.
It was only as God took us by the hand and walked us through the foster
process, that we came to realize how sinful that fear was. Little by little He turned our hearts, little
by little He grew our faith, and little by little He opened our eyes…until we
had no choice but to face our own cowardice. The hypocrisy in committing to
love and care for the unknown needs of foster children while our hearts were
closed to receiving a blessing –knit
together in my own womb by a sovereign Lord - because he/she might have cleft
palate was shameful. When those two
little girls left our world with the same abruptness in which they arrived, we were
left with a harsh truth: Those are
somebody’s babies. Those are somebody’s
blessings…God created those children in His image and gifted them to those
parents for stewardship…and they are too selfish to care for them. Too selfish…just like us. In that moment of clarity we suddenly knew why
God had drawn us through all that chaos.
We realized the ship had not stopped or turned around when He called us
to step away…. our Captain just had a higher purpose for that journey than we
ever understood. We thought He had been
guiding us toward OUR goal: adoption.
But, all along He had been leading us toward His: Obedience. And we
finally arrived. We are ready to submit
our will, our way, and even our womb. We are ready to trust in the Lord with all
our heart and lean not unto our own understanding.
We are so grateful
for the miraculous work of the Spirit in our calloused hearts. Our Father has taken so much precious time to
work out our fears and grow our faith. We
know He has made us no promises to restore those years wasted in selfishness,
and we expect nothing but forgiveness for our faithlessness. But, we are hoping and fervently praying for
the merciful gift of siblings for Tessie in the coming years as we trust in His
sovereignty.
We love you all and
are so glad to share this journey with you as the Lord reveals His miracles. Please continue to pray for our family as we
grow in grace.
UPDATE: A New Twist in the Road...CLICK HERE!
UPDATE: A New Twist in the Road...CLICK HERE!
